The Tin Man Saga

  During their basketball dominance, the Houston Rockets were almost defeated during their second championship run and one thing most enthusiasts remember was hearing the coach, Rudy Tomjanovich, quoting Kevin Johnson’s phrase, “never underestimate the heart of a champion”. He was referring to the Rockets team after they came back and won the title championship game. This was an incredible game, but more than that, it brought out the best of the best when it was needed most. I share this inspirational story because we as men aren’t always bringing our best during the times we need it most. At times we give in to pressure, to conflict, to the nay-sayers that convince us we cannot do something. Sometimes our A game turns out to be a B game. We are satisfied to move from the starting position to the second string. Why is that men? Why is it that we can so easily settle for a lesser us? I believe it has a lot to do with a man’s self-confidence. His unique personal makeup and all that...

   I was hiking with a bud the other day and we get on the discussion of feelings and how men generally avoid them or share them infrequently. In particular, during the times we feel like we failed at something or someone. Truth be told, if I fail then that means I am a failure correct? It’s like if I tell a lie, then I am to assume that makes me a liar. This is what society, and cultural beliefs will tell you, but it goes beyond that. There must be context taken into consideration to assess a situation appropriately. Look, I do not encourage lies but I know people do and one thing I’ve learned is that the truth always comes out and it makes for your life to get worse not better. To me that’s straight forward, but in the case of “feeling” like a failure, there is so much more to consider. Feelings, although God-given and can be good, may often lead you astray. Feelings are that part of us that expresses great joy and happiness and, on another day, convinces us to “crash and bu...

As the fellowship of guys grows within our communitites, there seems to always be that one "fishing" story that is almost too hard to believe and somehow always trumps anyone else's story. You know exactly what I am referring to because most men have either told that story or hve been in a group where someone else tells the story. I think this is a story told round the world, so to speak. Men are men and as competitive as we are, we always want to have a better story than the rest of the pack. That's just the way men do things as part of fellowship with other men. I actually am witness to a story that, as I think about it, sounds impossible and exaggererated but trust me it's not since I actually was there at that very moment. So a couple of my buds and I planned a fishing trip for a few days and while there we each tried and tested artificial lures and some live bait. For the most part a few fish were caught but nothing to brag on. At least not until one of my bu...

Last time I left you with a challenge to do  two very important things that would help your marriage or relationship get to a higher level of health and wellness. One challenge was to study your wife and the other, to romance your wife . If you  intentionally   worked on these two things you are well on your way to the best time of your life with your spouse or girlfriend. This time around I will provide you with two more challenges that will solidify the four quandrants of what women want from their hero. There are some areas of relationships that are crucial to have and with intentionality, you can provide vitality to it. Of course, there may be a few differences between the ladies but for the most part, if you fill in the blanks in these areas, you are gonna hit it out of the ballpark. For example, the challenge of studying  your wife, when done correctly, will shape the area of " Connection " for you both. When you are in healthy connection, there is an incredi...

  To change the topic content is healthy every now and again so this episode will be about relationship, but not just any relationship, but a very particular one. I’m speaking about your wife, if you have one, but if you don’t keep reading so you can learn about being “the one” your future wife is looking for. In meeting with men for a couple of decades now, one of the most frequently discussed topics has typically been a consistent struggle in how couples communicate. When this is not healthy, arguments are soon to follow. Why is there so much lacking in a couple’s ability to talk with one another instead of talking at one another?   We could say it is because of misunderstandings, wrong words being spoken, even a tone taken during this interaction. Honestly, these things for sure are culprits, but along with other factors, communication skills between spouses are hampered more than one realizes. Let me say this as well, there isn’t any one perfect couple that doesn’t mes...

  Not that I’m being nosey, well, maybe sometimes I am, but I am absolutely mesmerized by listening to people as they talk with one another or to me. Obviously, it’s impossible for me to ascertain what is occurring in their minds, so I’m left to formulate that whatever is in their minds at that moment, is what may guide or steer that particular conversation. Something I’ve learned in my years of counseling and being a mentor, is that I must be very intentional when talking to someone, that I listen to what is being said, and just as important, to what is not being said. Active listening some folks may call it, but it’s the keen ability to listen deeply to someone and not just hear them. At times Active listening requires utilizing many of the other human senses to learn more about them. Like the cologne they have on, are they right or left handed, what are some repetitive words and phrases they use, and of course, asking the right questions. All this information goes a long way int...